Steps

For this exercise, groups of three begin by brainstorming why is it important for us to be able to talk about sex and sexual pleasure in both our personal and professional lives. Responses were written on flipcharts and posted for presentation and discussion.

Then participants divide into four groups, each with markers and flipchart paper. With their group, participants brainstorm reasons for different questions:

Group 1: Why do people use condoms?

Group 2: Why don’t people use condoms?

Group 3: Why do men have sex?

Group 4: Why do women have sex?

Based on the responses, the facilitator leads participants to discuss the following:

• What can we learn from these lists?
• Look at the reasons why men have sex and the reasons why women have sex. Are they the same or different? If there are differences, what is the reason? What does this tell us about gender and power in our society?
• What happens when two people have different motivations for having sex?
• Was it easier to think of reasons why people use condoms or why people don’t use condoms? Are some of the reasons answers that men might give or that women might give, or answers that both men and women might give? Why are some answers associated with one sex but not the other?

Participants then divide into pairs of one man and one woman for a role-play in which a couple is negotiating condom use. However, the man plays the role of the woman in the scenario, and the woman plays the role of the man. Each pair is given a different scenario.

Example: In the context of CARE India, the scenarios used were:

• First pair: Woman (man playing the woman) does not want to use condoms because she feels it reduces sexual pleasure. The man (woman playing the man) must argue why and how condoms can be pleasurable.
• Second pair: Man (woman playing the man) is upset because his partner (man playing the woman) was supposed to buy condoms but did not do so.
• Third pair: Woman (man playing the woman) insists partner (woman playing the man) should wear a condom because she suspects he has other girlfriends.
• Fourth pair: Man (woman playing the man) does not want to admit to his partner (man playing the woman) that he does not know how to use a condom.
• Fifth pair: A man (woman playing the man) is startled when his partner (man playing the woman) wants to start using condoms, because the pair has had sex without condoms on several previous occasions.

After preparation and performances, the group then discuss:

• Was it difficult to take on the role of the opposite sex? What did you learn by trying to speak from a different perspective?
• Did you agree with the men’s portrayal of women, and the women’s portrayal of men? What do you think was accurate or inaccurate?
• Did anyone in the group challenge traditional gender roles, or speak in a way that is not usual for a particular sex?
• How was pleasure used as a justification for condom use?
  Following the role plays, the facilitator discusses sex and sexual pleasure with the group, using some of these questions to start the conversation:
• What prevents people from talking about sex and sexual pleasure?
• Under what circumstances is it acceptable to talk about sex and sexual pleasure?
• Even if it’s not usual (difficult, taboo, awkward, etc) to talk about sex and sexual pleasure, why is it important?
• What do we mean when we say ‘have sex’? Are there other ways to define having sex? Is it possible to have sex with out intercourse? What words do we use to talk about this?

The session ends with a personal reflection on participants’ individual learning about sex and sexual pleasure from the exercise, as well as how this learning may change their own actions following the exercise.

Variation: Sex and Development Workshop

Another approach for discussing sex and development was facilitated in a region-wide workshop led by consultant Tony Klouda in Kenya.

In this workshop, the facilitator led discussions on motivations and meanings for sex as well as for development, challenging perceptions and how participants frame a 'problem' in relation to how the same issue may be viewed differently by other key actors.

Read the full description of this workshop.